Given that youth is on your side, and we are a society obsessed with youth (I mean hello Kris Jenner facelift), you would think that your 20s would be the best years of your life.
But the reality is that being a 20-something is hard!
You think you will graduate college, land your first ‘real’ job making big girl money, become independent and live in a cool apartment, build friendships with people who feel more like you than some of the friends you made as a kid, and that you’ll finally feel like you have everything figured out.
Except, that’s usually not at all what happens! For many young adults, their 20s can actually feel like one of the most confusing seasons of life.
You’re old enough to make your own decisions, but you may not feel fully equipped to know how to answer them. You’re expected to know what you want, but you’re still figuring out who you are, and that piece comes before knowing what you want. You’re watching people your age hit completely different milestones, and it can leave you wondering:
“Am I behind?”
“Why does everyone else seem to have it figured out?”
“Who am I now?”
If you’re feeling lost in your 20s, you are not alone. I certainly did! This was actually when my personal growth and healing journey began! I spent my whole life following the blueprint that is laid out for us – things like get good grades and be involved in activities so that you can get into college and also make good grades and be involved in activities so that you can get a good job – but I didn’t get a good job.
I mean, I made such little money I had to live with my parents! I watched my friends get engaged and buy houses as I broke up with my college boyfriend and was still living with my parents. Point being, if your adult life isn’t going to plan, I get it! Your 20s are a season of life where some of the biggest identity shifts happen – for worse sometimes it seems, but also for better.
Why Your 20s Can Feel So Difficult
My uncle once told me, “Your 20s are the hardest time because everyone is on a completely different page.” I was mid break up at that time, my car had just been broke into and I just felt like everything was falling apart. His words totally landed and gave me a weird sense of comfort.
In your 20s, there is no longer one clear path everyone is following.
Some people are getting married.
Some people are having children.
Some people are traveling the world.
Some people are building careers.
Some people are struggling to find a job.
Some people have financial freedom.
Some people are moving back home with their parents.
And when everyone around you appears to be moving in different directions, it can be easy to question your own timeline.
But here’s the truth:
There is no universal timeline for becoming who you are meant to be.
Your 20s are not about having everything figured out. They are about discovering yourself.
The Identity Shift After College
For many people, college provides a built in identity.
You have a schedule.
You have friends nearby.
You have activities.
You have traditions.
You have a community.
Maybe you were involved in a sorority, played a sport, joined clubs, or had a group of friends you saw every day.
Then suddenly, graduation happen and everything changes.
The structure disappears.
The friendships that once felt effortless may require more intention.
The things that once brought excitement like weekend parties, campus events, and late nights with friends may no longer feel fulfilling. Personally I tried to keep my sorority party girl identity going much longer than I’d like to admit. Being in a sorority gave me such belonging that I hadn’t experienced in high school, and even though my sorority sisters had scattered to different cities and states, I longed to keep that sisterhood feeling alive. As you can imagine, the late nights and kamakaze shots didn’t exactly scream high functioning adult and were ultimately not sustainable, nor fulfilling!
But truly, that can be confusing! You might find yourself asking:
“If I’m not the person I was in college anymore, who am I now?”
You’re in a space in between the person you once were and the person you are becoming, and that gray space feels VERY disorienting.
Losing Independence Can Be Hard
One of the biggest challenges many young adults face is the transition back home after college.
Maybe you imagined graduating, getting your own apartment in a glitzy big city, starting your amazing career, and feeling completely independent financially and otherwise.
But instead, you found yourself moving back in with your parents, working an entry level job that barely pays the bills (this was me). Even when it is the right financial decision to live with your parents and save moeny, it can bring up complicated emotions.
You may feel:
- Like you are moving backward
- Frustrated that you aren’t where you thought you would be
- Embarrassed comparing yourself to friends
- Unsure how to balance independence while living at home
You may also now be faced to confront unhealthy family dynamics, toxic relationships and/or old patterns that no longer serve you. Needless to say, all of this is a lot, and it can cause you to feel anxious, stuck and unclear on what comes next.
The Financial Pressure of Your 20s
Another major source of stress in your 20s is money. You are entering adulthood, likely with a hefty debt bill in the form of student loans, and your salary often doesn’t match up with your expectations, or your bills.
You’re learning how to budget, pay bills, save money, invest, plan for retirement and make financial decisions often for the first time. It can feel like you’re trying to shove puzzle pieces together that don’t fit – the math just isn’t mathing!
Meanwhile, social media can make it seem like everyone else is thriving.
Someone is buying a house.
Someone is traveling constantly.
Someone is starting a successful business.
It’s hard to realize that everyone’s starting point is different when you’re not where you want to be.
Your 20s Are About Becoming Yourself
For me, the hardest part of my 20s was letting go who I thought I would be and figuring out who I actually was.
Maybe you chose a career path because it was expected of you.
Maybe you’re realizing the friendships you had in college no longer align with who you are becoming.
Maybe you’re questioning your purpose.
Maybe you feel stuck between the person you were and the person you’re becoming.
This is where self-reflection becomes powerful.
Instead of asking:
“What should I be doing?”
Try asking:
“Who am I becoming?”
“What actually matters to me now?”
“What kind of life do I want to create?”
“What values do I want to build my decisions around?”
This is such an essential time to be doing the personal growth work. The foundation you lay for yourself in your 20s – whether that be in your identity, your finances, your health, your career, whatever – can set you up for a lot of success or a lot of stress in the future. No pressure hah! Like I said, being a 20-something is just hard!
How Life Coaching Can Help During Your 20s
Your 20s are filled with transitions that may look like career decisions, relationship changes, financial goal uncertainty, shifting friendships, and questions about your future.
A Dallas life coach coaching adults nationwide, I create space for you to slow down, reflect, and create clarity around what you truly want.
Life coaching can help you:
- Identify your values and priorities
- Build confidence in your decisions
- Navigate career uncertainty
- Create goals that feel aligned with who you are
- Stop comparing your timeline to others
- Develop greater self trust
Your 20s may not be what you thought they would be, but the rest of your life doesn’t have to feel so uncertain and unstable.
Your 20s Are Building You
If your 20s feel messy, uncertain, or confusing, remember this:
This is a season of laying the foundation, which can feel like a lot of work. You’re not supposed to have it all figured out yet, and spoiler alert, you never will! And you’ll be happy and thriving in the uncertainty, I swear!
The friendships changing, the career uncertainty, the moments of doubt, they are all part of learning who you are.
You are not behind. You are becoming.
The most important work you can do in your 20s is not finding the perfect path. It’s finding yourself.
If you’re a 20-something whose life isn’t going according to plan and would like clarity on who you really are now, what you really want and how to actually get it without doing the most, click HERE to apply for a complimentary consultation.
