How To Navigate Complex Family Dynamics Over The Holidays
Read on if you’re questioning how you’re going to handle holiday stress and how to handle difficult family members. Dallas Coach Ashley Shihab appeared on Good Morning Texas in 2024 to discuss some of these very topics, click HERE to watch the segment.
Your family knows how to push your buttons because they’re the ones who installed them. When the inner healing and growth work hasn’t been done, people often find themselves reverting to behaviors that were present the last time they lived with family, which is often when we were teenagers. Needless to stay those behaviors are very outdated and do not serve us in adulthood.
This is all the more reason to invest in yourself – it allows you to show up differently, in a way that you are proud of, and in coaching with me you learn how to keep your energy in the place you want it to be regardless of what’s going on around you. Click HERE for more information.
Before we dive into some tactics to help you have a more enjoyable time with your family this holiday season, I want to give the disclaimer that this post is written with the typical dysfunctional family in mind. If your family is full on toxic or abusive in any way, I encourage you to get clear on whether it is healthy and safe for you to be in their company.
Assuming your issues with your family include things like being tired of their usual jabs, having differing political opinions or other general annoyances, odds have it you’re probably well aware of the relationships and topics that are bothersome to you. Before attending a family event where there may be complex dynamics at play, it is imperative to take time to ground yourself and get your mind right. This could look like getting a good workout in, journaling things out or whatever you do to center yourself.
I encourage you to spend some time focusing on the things you like and appreciate about your family members. You’re well aware of what you don’t like already so no need to drill down on this. If you want to have healthy relationships over the holidays in Dallas, TX, or wherever you may travel, this is a must do before getting together with your family. Focus on the positive and have some safe conversation topics in mind that you can introduce at the dinner table if things start to go towards hot button topics that don’t feel good to you. If you approach these topics with excitement, usually other people will feel that energy and go the direction you’re trying to steer the conversation in.
Know what your boundaries are in terms of dealbreaker topics or behaviors and have scripts prepared in advance should these situations arise and should your attempts to go another direction not be received. If things start to get heated say something like “It’s the holidays, I feel like it would be more fun to keep things light and not talk about this” or “I don’t feel good when this happens”. Remember with these scripts that less is more. It’s better to repeat yourself or walk away than to justify or explain. When we justify and explain, it usually comes across as argumentative giving the other person new data points to latch on to that will keep the conversation going.
Setting healthy boundaries during the holidays can be a challenge, so if you need to take a break or remove yourself, make it your goal to do so with grace and without a heated explosion that you’ll regret later.
You really can feel at peace with your difficult family. You really can shift how you show up which can in turn shift how your family shows up. This is all possible through personal development. Dallas Life Coach Ashley Shihab coaches clients throughout the US and offers a complimentary consultation to those who qualify. Click HERE to apply!
